You will get nothing and like it, Orange-Man.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The hell with the BTN, put me in THE CLONE ZONE!

The Big Ten Network has been taking its lumps for its role in hostage-like negotiations, and rightfully so. There's something confusing and backwards about a network acquiring rights to games before taking care of distribution, but clearly I've got a lot to learn about negotiation and corporate greed.

Anyhoo, if the deal gets done, then you'll pay a little more per month and you'll be able to watch the games. If it doesn't, then you can go somewhere that does get it--either a friend's house or an establishment. Regardless, though the posturing is irritating, it's only moderately inconvenient and expensive.

Not so for Iowa State fans (both of them). Literally the only way they can enjoy tonight's game against Kent State (without putting on National Guard uniforms, anyway) is by entering... the Clone Zone. It's not nearly as cool as it sounds, so quit dreaming of cloned human zombies and explosions.

No, the Clone Zone is a subscription-based internet service that provides exclusive(!!!!!) ISU sports content, including tonight's game against Kent State and the September 22 Toledo game. Seriously. Only on the computer. As far as THE CLONE ZONE goes, the press release breathlessly asks:
Have you ever wanted to watch the weekly or post-game media conferences, take a virtual tour of the locker room, listen to post-practice interviews with student-athletes, view historical footage or coaches’ TV shows or walk with the team on the way to the field?
On behalf of everyone who has ever lived: No.

So Iowa State fans are relegated to sitting inside at their 15" cow-powered computer monitors to watch choppy game footage from a very limited amount of cameras. Certainly Iowa State wouldn't have the temerity to charge their fans anyth
Monthly subscriptions cost $8.95 and a yearly subscription costs $79.95.
Oh god. 80 bucks a year? Eighty? Well, fine. For that kind of money, I'm sure the service will be impecc
Toledo, as host of the football game against ISU, will be responsible for providing the video feed to Iowa State for the web cast. The audio will likely be the Rockets’ radio team.
God I love the Cyclones.
Actually worse than cloned human zombies.


JHC said...

Dude, that is my favorite thing ever posted here. I would rather sleep naked on the floor in a rest area than enter the Clone Zone.

Bucketochicken said...

@JHC: Pretty much the same thing. Albeit slightly less pathetic/embarrassing.

Love the "Clones" new pro-fisting logo. I bet those barbs on dude's forearms fucking hurt.

AC30 said...

Well, it could be worse. Your home football games could be stuck on some obscure cable channel, like, say, Versus, for example. Oh, wait, that already happened? Sorry. My bad.

JHC said...

:ac30: Yes, that would be bad. Then I'd have to turn the channel with my remote and watch it, on television, like every Iowa game since 1981. That would be tough. Oh, wait, I have a remote and a television so I can watch the game from my house? Sorry. My bad.

Oops Pow Surprise said...

ac: do you know what the word "worse" means?

Run Up The Score! said...

Nice to see the Suckclones have reverted to form. They made me some money tonight.

Run Up The Score! said...

By the way, gentlemen, good luck with your four-way manwich!

LadyAndrea said...

RUTS, that makes me proud to be an Iowan.

The Cyclone is totally fisting. I did not see it before, now I cannot not see it. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

$80.00 bucks a month and they can't even manage to stream their own freaking announcers? That's the funniest thing ever.

Gawd that school is minor-league. I'm sure Toledo's audio and video feeds will be first class though!

Run Up The Score! said...

Andrea -- I wish Pennsylvania would get on that, too...but we're the state that spawned Santorum (Senator, not creepy gay sex bi-product...get it? Bi-product? Hah!)