You will get nothing and like it, Orange-Man.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

You Don't Have to Go Home, but You Can't Stay Here

Cue the mothafuckin' Jeffersons:

We're movin' on a new site. Come visit us at our dee-luxe apartment at Black Heart Gold Pants ( All the same Hawkeye fun, none of that unsettling blogspot aftertaste.

See ya there.


Monday, September 10, 2007

Damnable real world!

We've got a lot on our plates not only here at THC (oh boy, have we got lots to talk about, readers), but in the real world as well. So pardon our momentary lack of content while we take care of earning a living.

The upcoming week will feature brawls, defensive lunacy, exploding spaceships, liberal use of the "iowa state sucks so bad" tag, a wonderful change of scenery for us... and murder.

Stay tuned.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Wha Happened? Week 2

Iowa 35 - Syracuse 0

We will, of course, go over this game in much more detail tomorrow, but here's what you need to know: the Iowa defense is very good, and the Syracuse football team is not. The Flyin' Hawaiian, TE Tony Moeaki, gained more yards in three quarters than Syracuse did all game long. It's not time to start reserving your tickets to Pasadena yet, but the plain and simple fact is that Iowa hasn't played a game like that in years.

Illinois 21 - Western Illinois 0

The Illini looked sluggish to start the game, and The Juice only passed for 90 yards. More ominously, the Zooker spent the entire third quarter with a football helmet on. We're worried.

Indiana 37 - Western Michigan 27

This score is somewhat deceptive; Indiana built a 27-point lead early in the 3rd quarter, and after the Broncos' two-point conversion failed with 8:48 remaining, they didn't threaten again until it was far too late. Indiana probably won't be playing on January 1 this season, but considering their schedule and how lame the lower echelon of the Big 10 looks, it's awfully hard to rule out four or five wins in the conference.

#19 Oregon 39 - Michigan 7

Everybody knew giving Oregon seven points was fucking ridiculous, but nobody but the most irrationally pessimistic could have predicted an ass-kicking like this. Michigan fans were booing before the first half was over, Chad Henne was injured and may not play next week, and Mike Hart is losing his mind. Then there was Lloyd's baffling postgame speech, where he said that even if he loses his job (read: is fired) he won't be kept down. Uh, okay? That wasn't really what anyone was interested in, but okay.

Michigan State 28 - Bowling Green 17

The Spartans won this slapfight because oh wait nobody cares.

Minnesota 41 - Miami University 35

Minnesota and Miami both fought desperately to wrest defeat from the jaws of victory, but with the advent of overtime, there can only be one loser. Both teams missed easy field goals in the second overtime before Amir Pinnix put the misery out of its, uh, misery. One bonus of the highlights is the laughably underpopulated Metrodome. Was that place even half-full?

Northwestern 36 - Nevada 31

Nevada blew a 24-10 lead, got it back late to go up 31-27, then let Northwestern drive 80 yards in about a minute, culminating in a 13-yard score with just 21 seconds to go. It was tremendously exciting football between two bad teams. No word on whether any posts were "laked."

#10 Ohio State 20 - Akron 2

The Buckeyes also sputtered against a non-BCS team (jeez, Big 10), but as soon as they kicked the field goal to go up 3-2, this game was over. Akron was Syracusian on offense; they punted 14 times and only managed three first downs. Ohio State's defense remains scary-good.

#12 Penn State 31 - Notre Dame 10

Joe Paterno remained terrifying, but the real story was the Notre Dame offense's continued ineptitude on offense, as the only Irish touchdown came from an interception return. This is particularly baffling, because as we all know, Chuck Weis is the greatest offensive mind in college football history. Imagine how much worse this loss would have been if Tyrone Willingham were still around! He's probably pissing everyone off in

Washington 24 - #17 Boise State 10


Purdue 52 - Eastern Illinois 6

Curtis Painter threw six TD's on 49 passes against Eastern Illinois. Was that really necessary, Tiller?

#7 Wisconsin 20 - UNLV 13

The Badgers have never really been effective against a spread offense, so this score isn't too much of a surprise. I don't think anyone in Camp Randall is contemplating pressing the panic button yet, and they should be right back on track next week against the Citadel. Then after that... Iowa.

Northern Iowa 24 - Iowa State 13

Oh dear. Iowa State's listless performance against UNI pushed the members of Iowa's non-conference slate to 0-8, and 0-12 is easily possible after next week; only NIU has a reasonable shot at winning. The Cyclone defense forced no turnovers and only six incompletions on 29 attempts. It is reasonable to assume that Iowa State will be the worst of Iowa's four non-conference opponents. After last week, that seems stunning, but come on. They were down 24-6 until midway through the fourth quarter.

South Florida 26 - Auburn 23

This game has absolutely nothing to do with the Big 10, but any time a member of the Hayden Fry coaching tree (Jim Leavitt) wins a game this big, it makes our black hearts and gold pants swell with pride.


Every once in awhile, something falls into your lap. You can't believe your luck and don't know what to do with it. I say you because that never happens to me. I always know what to do and now this is happenin'. We were talking Big East football, at EDSBS a couple months ago, and my partner, OPS, said something so ridiculous, I had to confirm that he wasn't sniffing glue (which is why it took me 45 minutes to reply to him). Anyway, here's his comment, followed by mine:

"Cuse is probably going to cause some fits this year as well. They were 4-8 last year, but they only lost 3 games by more than 3 scores, and Greg Robinson is taking the right approach to rebuilding the program. Their non-conference isn’t cupcakey enough to predict a bowl bid, but considering how many of the tough teams come to the Carrier Dome, they could ruin a few Big East title shots."

-- Comment by OPS, football "expert" — June 26, 2007 @ 9:52 am

"I don’t know when, but there will be a day when I will remind you of this, and you will be shamed, if you aren’t already.
Mark my words."

-- Comment by JHC, bulletproof mother fucker — June 26, 2007 @ 10:39 am

So, my question is, how's that Greg Robinson love goin' now, lawya?