You will get nothing and like it, Orange-Man.

Friday, September 7, 2007

IT'S GO TIME! (part 2)

So, the Zooker read my gambling post (below this one) and was a little miffed he didn't get mentioned. He's been calling me at least once a week since the Big 10 Media Conference. I finally gave him my AIM so he'd lay off on the drunk dials. The following is the unedited chat log from our conversation at 3:30 this morning:

3:34 AM

ZookHook: what up, brah???

3:35 AM

ZookHook: YO!! I see yer lite. I know ur in there. Answer meow or im callin yah!

3:36 AM

JHC: Hey.

ZookHook: awwww you shoulda been thurr tonite! IT WAS EPIOC!!
you wereeent sleepin were yah?/

JHC: I was. Shouldn't you be... preparing? I mean, you had a rough game last week...

ZookHook: pfffffffftttttt. We tottally beat em. Forget the scorez they know who won! Fuck yeah! Team America!! You kow whut movie thatz from?

3:37 AM

JHC: Yeah. Seriously, you guys gonna win this week?

ZookHook: Who we play?

JHC: Dude. Seriously. You have a game in 36 hours. Do you really not know who you're playing?

ZookHook: Fuck off! I know... itz in Champagne?

JHC:'s Champaign, Z.

ZookHook: "it's Champaign, Z!! I'm Big Boy!! Lissen to my facts!!! I know ALL!!!11

3:38 AM

JHC: Fuck it. I'm going to bed, asshole. Have fun.

ZookHook: NO!!! Dont hangup! Zooker cant sleeep> We still hitting the town when I come to the IC on ROCtoBeR 11?

JHC: You play Iowa on the 13th, Z.

ZookHook: Yeah yeah butt i wuz plannig to cum up a couple dayz early soz we could go out. Didjoo tell OPS I'm crashin wit himm>?

JHC: Z. For the last time, you cannot come up early to party. You have a game to prepare for and Iowa's fucking good this year. I really think you need to take this seriously.

ZookHook: gawwdd... yur killin mah buzz... arrrr you outtaa that shampppooo i sentcha?? I ogt lotz more

JHC: It's the pills, isn't it?

ZookHook: bigg tyme

JHC: You realize they're expecting you to go to a bowl game this year, right? Those recruits didn't come cheap.

ZookHook: fuck... i know... hey, joo ever ask coaach Fairrentz if he wuz hirin?

JHC: It's Ferentz, and, no. He wouldn't hire you, Z. No way.

3:42 AM

3:43 AM

3:44 AM

JHC: uhhhhh.... Z? You pass out again?

ZookHook: aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh fuckkkk! My here!! WHERM I AT?

JHC: At your desk, I presume?

JHC: By the way, you play Western Illinois this week.

ZookHook: Seriesly? Whaz the line?

JHC: They're I-AA so there is no line.

ZookHook: Zookers goindown, broseph...

JHC: Good luck Saturday.

ZookHook: gggaaaaaahhhhh....


Bucketochicken said...

Heh, the Zooker...
You know, sometime you guys should do a parody of that nutsack.

Barstoolio said...

Your ability to embody him so effectively is starting to scare me.

JHC said...

I don't think it's possible to parody a human parody. I'm regretting giving him my AIM but it's better than his incessant phone calls.

dmbmeg said...

Zook sounds a lot like me on IM after a few drinks. Except he spells better.

the spectator said...

Imagine next fall... when the Zookster and Mason are paired to do color for ESPN. Oh, the horror...

JHC said...

:dmbmeg: I'll tell him to look you up. Your AIM still pillowfeetFTW!? I'll send him your way next time.

:spectator: Oh, the awesome! more likely. Imagine hitting the club with those 2? Dayum...

Breezy said...

Funniest shit I've read on here.

"Who we play?"

Classic Zooker