You will get nothing and like it, Orange-Man.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

BLOGPOLL: WEEK 1

Less predictiony/More predilectiony

RankTeamDelta
1LSU 1
2Southern Cal 1
3West Virginia 0
4Oklahoma 2
5Louisville 5
6Florida 2
7California 7
8Texas 3
9Arkansas 0
10Penn State 3
11Ohio State 0
12Wisconsin 3
13Georgia 9
14Georgia Tech 12
15Virginia Tech 8
16Oregon 4
17UCLA 1
18Boise State 8
19Auburn 7
20Nebraska 1
21Rutgers 0
22Iowa 2
23Hawaii 2
24Alabama 4
25South Carolina 8

Dropped Out:

Michigan, Arizona, Florida St.

New Additions:

Georgia Tech, Boise State, Auburn

Weekly Judgement Time: We can finally judge these mother fuckers based on football, and judge them harshly, to be sure. I dropped Michigan (HA!), Arizona (It was the pills!), and Florida State (More tapioca, Mr. Bowden?) in favor of Georgia Tech, Boise State, and Auburn. Winning doesn't guarantee you keep your spot either. If you're playing a cupcake, you need to devour the fuckers in one bite, like Oklahoma, Louisville, and Georgia Tech did. If you don't show an appetite for bloodlust [read that: Texas, USC, Virginia Tech] and don't arouse me sexually with your play, I will drop you in the rankings. Football is a hard game and if you can't excite another man with your play then you need to be gone.

Pimpslap Alert: To Frank Beamer: I'm not really happy with you using a tragedy to motivate your team this year. They didn't seem very motivated anyway, so I think it's time to hammer out some X's and O's, brother. Don't know if you saw their game, but LSU is really good. When factoring in your QB, Sean Glennon, and his weaknesses [read that: everything], I think you can hold off on the preparation of that congratulatory "Win #200" cake. I can see y'all taking a thumping the likes of which you haven't seen for awhile. I saw some vicious defensive lineman this past week, but nobody is meaner than Glenn Dorsey. He will eat your fucking face clean off and grin when he shits out your face mask. My challenge to you is to have your O outscore LSU's D. You do that and I'll be impressed. This smells like a 35 point pounding to me.

The Replacements: Clemson, Texas A&M, Colorado, Purdue, Tennessee, Texas Tech (YARRR!!!), and TCU. These teams are all clawing at the glass trying to get a spot at the big boy's table. I'm watching them closely to decide who'll be Va Tech's replacement.

5 comments:

notorious cjt said...

jumping on the Hawkins train early, eh?

I. Michael Koontz said...

However, it should be noted that Michigan is now ranked #14 in Division 1-AA. Some are even predicting they will make the Midwestern Regional Playoffs!

And who said Carr's future wasn't bright.....

The Spectator said...

I'll bet you can quote Full Metal Jacket's Gunnery Sgt. Hartman word for word.

JHC said...

:notorious cjt: I do likes me some Hawkins. I only hope he wins a few games so I can squeeze him into the poll.

:Koontz: They can't fire Lllllloyd!!! They just can't.

:the spectator: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?
Out-fucking-standing.

I. Michael Koontz said...

Koontz: "Private Pyle, are you shitting me? Are you shitting me? You can't even recognize the sarcasm in ONE facetious post? Just one fucking post? Get off my message board! Get the fuck off my message board!"

Yes, I was being facetious in my comments on Lloyd Carr. That being said, I wish that Kirk Ferentz would hire R. Lee Ermey to be receiver coach. "Who dropped that ball? Do that again and I will cut off your head and skull-fuck you!"

Lee Ermey=The Man