Not the Clone Zone, But it's Close: Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable

This week's Big Ten Blogger roundtable is brought to you by PSU blog There Is No Name on My Jersey, which is preparing to keep the echoes asleep this weekend.

1. Clearly, Week 1 was a huge week for upsets with Appalachin St. beating Michigan and Clemson beating FSU (though if that really shocked anyone I'd be surprised). What are your upset games for Week 2 and why?

We certainly have a liberal interpretation of upset, don't we? Didn't we all see Tommy's beatdown of his senile father coming from a mile away? Bobby Bowden is so old, he recently applied for a position with Per Mar Security.

I'll say it: Northern Iowa walks into Jack Trice and lays the lumber to Iowa State. UNI has a four-year starter at quarterback, enough talent at the skill positions to be scary, an experienced defense, and some confidence (they only lost by 1 point at Ames last year). And, after watching a replay of ISU/Kent State, I can safely say the Clones look as bad as they have since the Jim Walden era. Plus, I just really want to see this happen, and where there's a will, there's a way.

Am I the only person thinking we're giving too much credit to UCLA? Even though they have a wealth of talent and experience (and Ben Olson behind center), they're still being coached by Karl Dorrell, right? His presence alone is enough to make BYU a possible upset special this weekend.

I'm not predicting an upset here (though I like the Buffs to cover the +14 1/2), but is anyone else looking forward to Colorado at Arizona State? Dennis Erickson vs. Thunder Dan Hawkins, folks! Is there any way this game ends without an ASU reserve caught trying to steal something from the Buffs bench, followed by Hawkins beating him within an inch of his life?

Dan Hawkins: Once killed a drifter
just to get an erection

2. What do you think about the BTN? How'd it look? How were the announcers? Did the first weekend change your opinion of the BTN?

If you asked me this question on Sunday morning, I would have said "eh..."

• Thom Brennanman suffers from Joe Buck overstatement syndrome and Charles Davis has repeatedly proven himself as a top-shelf moron (for those who don't remember, these two teamed with Barry Alvarez and Chris Myers in a sick, twisted attempt at ruining last season's Boise State-Boomer Sooner game). And this is their #1 team.
  
• Mike Tomczak is unquestionably the worst color commentator in the history of the universe. He's so bad, he was fired by ESPN without groping anyone or calling anything gay. He called Iowa's 2004 6-4 victory over Penn State. At one point, the cameras caught a group of PSU students with their chests painted. Pam Ward (who sounded like Benjamin Disraeli in comparison to Tomczak) joked that Mike's children were in the group of shirtless kids. Tomczak, who obviously was born without a sense of humor, yelled back that his kids were at home with their mother. Yeah, he's an idiot.
  
• They've provided Glen Mason gainful employment for reasons passing understanding.
  
• There's a sideline reporter named MaryRachel Dick. I'm not making this up.

But their studio show wasn't too bad (especially if you remember all the old Gerry DiNardo jokes from his time at Indiana), and at least they found a spot for Mike Hall. Throw in replays and classic games during the week, and I'm pleasantly surprised.

3. Now that we're a game into the Season evaluate the Big Ten's strength.

'Twas not a good week for the Big Ten. Big Blue was certainly bad enough (and resurrected those complaints from last year), Minnesota was putrid, and the Zooker is still too busy smelling hair to win a game. Everyone else held true to form. It's far too early to make an evaluation, but it's a C+ right now.

BTN and Mediacom reach a deal. Maybe. Wait--no.

In a move that isn't really surprising at all--least of all the time frame--Mediacom has decided to actually show the Big Ten network here in Iowa.

That's about all we know at the moment, this is BREAKING NEWS PEOPLE!

[4:15 p.m. UPDATE(!!!!): Now the athletic department is playing stupid. For crying out loud, guys. Either a deal's done or it isn't. Nobody's benefiting from this "I can't tell you; it's a secret" charade.

Case in point: Elizabeth Conlisk, the Big Ten Network's vice president of communications also denied the deal was completed. "I can't characterize the discussions in any way," she said. Thanks for doing your job, VP of communications. Big help. We're all really looking forward to even more not-at-all shady business from the Big 10.]

Being a reporter doesn't mean tossing your critical thinking skills out the window

Two articles available today about the Big Ten network: One is from the Press-Citizen's Ryan Suchomel, with the unfortunate title of "BTN set to tackle airwaves." It starts off with this wholly unbiased gem:

The Big Ten Network plans to provide fans with all the Big Ten football news they could ever want.

Wow! Neato! The rest of the article is just quotes from a few of the on-air guys, preceded by Suchomel saying what they said, but with different words.

Griffith, a former Illinois player, said Big Ten fans are going to love what they find on the BTN.

"They are going to see stories and features they weren't able to see," Griffith said. "This network has to appeal to the Big Ten fan. They are passionate about all of the games. I'm excited to be a part of it."

Sigh. I mean, what can you say about an article like this? Is it intellectually dishonest? Depends on if Suchomel believes all this shit. Is it lazy reporting? Absolutely. Is it typical of a Gannett paper to toe the "fuck the consumers" line? That's a question for another day (short answer: yes).

Steve Batterson at the QC Times (quickly becoming the paper of record for Hawkeye information), meanwhile, should probably send a thank you card to the sports desk at the PC, because they're making him look awfully good just for pointing out the stunningly obvious: this network is going to take a lot of your money.

Three words of advice when it comes to talking about the current spat between the Big Ten Network and Mediacom – watch your wallet.

As the opening paragraph of a story I wrote more than a year ago when plans for the network were announced, watching Big Ten games in the future will come with a price.

That will not change, no matter how the current impasse between the network and major cable players throughout the region plays out.

From a strict "for the conference and its members" standpoint, this is a noble undertaking. The network is expecting to pour about $7 million a year of revenue into the coffers of each member of the Big 10. How they expect to do that while trying to mean-mug the cable companies into caving in, of course, remains to be seen.

From the cable operators' standpoint... well, good luck trying to get in their mindset. While Mediacom's tussle with Sinclair a few months ago was well-understood, the ESPNU one wasn't. Oh well. As long as cable refuses to allow a la carte channel selection, they'll be a bunch of greedy bastards. Seriously, why charge us for channels we're never going to watch? I imagine plenty of Americans would have a cable lineup similar to mine: Basic channels, Discovery, the ESPN family, TNT, Comedy Central, and Soap Net (don't judge me!). Yet I digress.

Last, the questions remain for the fans: Do you really want to have to pay dozens of dollars a year for shit that's only interesting when it's your own team? How is the channel's programming during the summer months not going to be totally unwatchable? Isn't a march to only subscribe to the channel for 4 months a year pretty much inevitable? Last, if revenue's going to be spread equally, then of that money you're dropping for the network (and its inevitable surrounding tier of channels), lots won't even see the Big 10, then the conference will take its skim, then only 1/11 of it goes to your favorite school. You going to be okay with that while Penn State and Wisconsin duke it out in male field hockey this summer?