You will get nothing and like it, Orange-Man.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

High School Highlights, volu WHAT THE FUCK

(thanks to Jeebsy for his help in getting me through this post from an emotional standpoint. This was rough)

One of the recurring themes that we at THC will be featuring this year is "High School Highlights," where we harness the power of the Youtubes to bring you a sneak peek at up-and-coming talent. I've never seen a bad one. You're either knocked out by the sick athleticism or endlessly entertained by the horrible quality of it. There's also the music. You generally know 5 seconds in if it's going to be awesomely good or awesomely bad. On rare occasions, you get both. That's what we're dropping on your ass today. This is a video from hot off the presses recruit Tony Cornelius. It's got athleticism, terrible music, and that's not all.

As a bonus, it's also got a snapshot of him standing naked in front of Aunt Millie's shower curtain. It's like a dirty little porny easter egg (do porns have Easter eggs?).

The link to the video is HERE. If you click on his username, PRIMETIME4, you get taken to his youtube page where he's got all his videos and shit, as well as a, well, unusually candid background image. Now, for those of you who work, we're not going to post the exact image straight up; you shouldn't have to fight for your job with arguments like, "but the high school kid has boxers on if you look hard enough!" In return, we'll link to the image and post a preview that's actually a thousand times more terrifying.
(click for unedited weirdness)

Our stance has already been set: We will not get you fired, but we will let Pat Harty haunt your dreams. That's just how it is.

Now, look. We're not here to judge Tony. He obviously thinks very highly of himself, and we certainly wouldn't want an insecure tailback. The choice he made to put this picture on the internet, though? Questionable. We would recommend removing it. For everybody's sake.

Welcome to the Hawkeye family, Tony. Now put some pants on.

(Oh, and Jeff Reed: the ball(s) is in your court.)


Hawkeye State said...

D'Angelo is running the rock in Iowa City? Bodacious.

Oops Pow Surprise said...

Young Cornelius is no D'Angelo. Not yet.

JebusHChrist said...

getting me through this post from an emotional standpoint = telling him to come out of the closet already.

Thankfully with his comment today I can see he's taken my sage advice. He's flexing his muscles by showing off his dizzying array of nude dude photos. Good call, OPS! At least we know your type now. Line forms to the left, boys!

JebusHChrist said...

Oh yeah, if this is going to turn into a dating site, I'd like to be on the record as saying I like my ladies with red hair, with a southern accent, and a bit of a mean streak. Sports knowledge is optional but acceptable.
You know where to find me.

Anonymous said...


This was some good shit today. Kudos guys.