Pat Harty wants you to throw up

If it seems like I have an unhealthy obsession with the Press-Citizen's Hawkeye beat reporter Pat Harty, it's because, well, it's hard not to. It's a residual effect: as he lavishes undue attention upon himself as he writes the columns, so must I as I read them.

If you thought his decision to try to bait good-guy Bryan Mattison into selling out Coach Ferentz
was upsetting, however, then you may want to turn away. At the very least, escort your children from the room, and have a vomit bucket ready. Here's how Pat Harty decided to describe the weather at Media Day:

It was so gooey at Iowa football media day that it felt like somebody poured a giant pitcher of lukewarm pancake syrup all over my body.

Yeah. If you don't have a vivid enough imagination to be legitimately horrified by that, consider yourself lucky. I was going to post a picture of someone pouring syrup onto themselves, then MS paint Harty's head onto it, but the result is horrifying enough to get you fired. Friends, we won't do that to you here. We'll merely let Pat Harty haunt your dreams.

COVERED IN MOTHERFUCKING PANCAKE SYRUP