Not the Clone Zone, But it's Close: Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable

This week's Big Ten Blogger roundtable is brought to you by PSU blog There Is No Name on My Jersey, which is preparing to keep the echoes asleep this weekend.

1. Clearly, Week 1 was a huge week for upsets with Appalachin St. beating Michigan and Clemson beating FSU (though if that really shocked anyone I'd be surprised). What are your upset games for Week 2 and why?

We certainly have a liberal interpretation of upset, don't we? Didn't we all see Tommy's beatdown of his senile father coming from a mile away? Bobby Bowden is so old, he recently applied for a position with Per Mar Security.

I'll say it: Northern Iowa walks into Jack Trice and lays the lumber to Iowa State. UNI has a four-year starter at quarterback, enough talent at the skill positions to be scary, an experienced defense, and some confidence (they only lost by 1 point at Ames last year). And, after watching a replay of ISU/Kent State, I can safely say the Clones look as bad as they have since the Jim Walden era. Plus, I just really want to see this happen, and where there's a will, there's a way.

Am I the only person thinking we're giving too much credit to UCLA? Even though they have a wealth of talent and experience (and Ben Olson behind center), they're still being coached by Karl Dorrell, right? His presence alone is enough to make BYU a possible upset special this weekend.

I'm not predicting an upset here (though I like the Buffs to cover the +14 1/2), but is anyone else looking forward to Colorado at Arizona State? Dennis Erickson vs. Thunder Dan Hawkins, folks! Is there any way this game ends without an ASU reserve caught trying to steal something from the Buffs bench, followed by Hawkins beating him within an inch of his life?

Dan Hawkins: Once killed a drifter
just to get an erection

2. What do you think about the BTN? How'd it look? How were the announcers? Did the first weekend change your opinion of the BTN?

If you asked me this question on Sunday morning, I would have said "eh..."

• Thom Brennanman suffers from Joe Buck overstatement syndrome and Charles Davis has repeatedly proven himself as a top-shelf moron (for those who don't remember, these two teamed with Barry Alvarez and Chris Myers in a sick, twisted attempt at ruining last season's Boise State-Boomer Sooner game). And this is their #1 team.
  
• Mike Tomczak is unquestionably the worst color commentator in the history of the universe. He's so bad, he was fired by ESPN without groping anyone or calling anything gay. He called Iowa's 2004 6-4 victory over Penn State. At one point, the cameras caught a group of PSU students with their chests painted. Pam Ward (who sounded like Benjamin Disraeli in comparison to Tomczak) joked that Mike's children were in the group of shirtless kids. Tomczak, who obviously was born without a sense of humor, yelled back that his kids were at home with their mother. Yeah, he's an idiot.
  
• They've provided Glen Mason gainful employment for reasons passing understanding.
  
• There's a sideline reporter named MaryRachel Dick. I'm not making this up.

But their studio show wasn't too bad (especially if you remember all the old Gerry DiNardo jokes from his time at Indiana), and at least they found a spot for Mike Hall. Throw in replays and classic games during the week, and I'm pleasantly surprised.

3. Now that we're a game into the Season evaluate the Big Ten's strength.

'Twas not a good week for the Big Ten. Big Blue was certainly bad enough (and resurrected those complaints from last year), Minnesota was putrid, and the Zooker is still too busy smelling hair to win a game. Everyone else held true to form. It's far too early to make an evaluation, but it's a C+ right now.

Now It Begins: Big Ten Blogger Roundtable #2

This week's Big Ten Blogger roundtable is brought to you by Around the Oval. Without further ado:

1. Which player from your own team are you most looking forward to watching?

I think I speak for all of us at THC when I say, unequivocally, it's Cedric Everson. A quick recap of The Entertainer's first month on campus:

• Told us all about humility
  
• Declined a redshirt and named himself a possible starter and kick/punt returner
  
• Did some breakdancing (OK, that happened before he arrived in Iowa City)
• Put on a show at Kid's Day, intercepting three (THREE!) passes and getting burned for a 60-yard touchdown on a short pass

We already have two corners who can get burned for 60 on a short pass (go back and watch Iowa-Indiana 2006 if you don't believe it). What we don't have - and what we haven't had since Tom Knight - is a corner capable of intercepting everything within a 15-foot parameter. Get the man an entourage, and we may get brilliance like this:



2. Which player from another Big Ten team are you most looking forward to watching?

Again, I think it's unanimous: J Leman, Champaign's resident stud linebacker and mullet-sporting patriot. Sumbitch had 152 tackles, 19 tackles for loss, 14 Billy Ray Cyrus comparisons, and zero haircuts.

Leman might not be the best linebacker in the conference (I'm genuinely scared of James Laurinaitis, and not only for his dad's role in the WWF's Legion of Doom), but he's certainly the most photogenic.

3. If your team was an action movie star, who would it be?

Harrison Ford. No matter what role you give us, or who you put in the cast, you know what you're getting. Regardless of whether the script calls for it, Harrison Ford will get himself into a situation which will put his family in danger. He inevitably snaps and kicks someone's ass and punches/headbutts a couple of bigger guys in the teeth, all in his ongoing quest to find his wife/son/freedom. It always ends up looking a little like this:



Like Ford, Iowa will inevitably run a never-ending string of draw plays, off-tackles, and wide receiver screens on offense and a base 4-3 cover 2, regardless of whether the game plan calls for it. And, inevitably, it works well enough to knock out a couple of teams they shouldn't beat. If you like it, great. If not, we don't give a damn, just as long as you GIVE ME BACK MY SON!

So Who is Sir Robin? Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable

The Hawkeye Compulsion is now a member of Big Ten Bloggers, a group set up by Black Shoe Diaries, Around the Oval, and Maize 'n Brew to enhance intraconference blogging. The first installment of the Big Ten Bloggers roundtable comes courtesy of Badger Sports. Enjoy.

The press and the coaches will be predicting the Big Ten champ at the Hyatt Regency in Chicago on Wednesday. That's fine, but overdone. In lieu of boilerplate predictions of who will come out on top, which Big Ten team will be the most surprising? Remember, surprises can be good or bad; the underdog who comes out of nowhere to share the title is just as surprising as the favorite who winds up with five losses and no bowl bid.

I'll go ahead and say it: The Ohio State University, and it's not a good surprise. They lose a Heisman winner at quarterback, the most explosive receiver/returner in the conference, Antonio Effing Pittman, and more than half of their starting units on both sides of the football. Throw in games at Big Blue and PSU, and it feels like 2005 all over again. Well, except for the beatdown in Kinnick (Iowa doesn't have tOSU on the schedule this season). In case you forgot:

Imagine it's December, and the consensus in the media is that your team's season was "surprising." Is this a Good Thing or a Bad Thing? What would have to happen for you to consider your team's season surprising?

Oh, that's a very good thing. Iowa has been "surprising" since 2002. In 2002, they came from nowhere to gain a share of the Big Ten championship. In 2003, they lost the Heisman runner-up and still won 10 (and kicked the crap out of Florida in their own backyard). In 2004, they had literally no running game (anyone else remember Brownlee?) and STILL won a share of the Big Ten crown. One of the writers for CBS Sportsline had Iowa at #2 entering 2005 based solely on the fact that he was tired of being proven wrong.

It was at that point that "surprising" became a bad thing. Two disappointing seasons, culminating with last season's 2-6 mark in the conference, have diminished expectations yet again. Now "surprising" would be a 10-win season and a run at the title. That, my friends, is a very good thing.

A preseason player of the year will also be dubbed in Chicago. For your team to succeed, which player or unit is going to have to put forth a "player of the year" performance? What's the one position that would take your team to the next level if it performs above expectations?

The defensive line will make or break Iowa in 2007. Norm Parker's one-play playbook is predicated on the pass rush, especially with a thoroughly mediocre secondary. When we have it (Matt Roth, Aaron Kampman, etc.), we win. When we don't, we lose. It's been that simple for 7 years. With Mattison and Iwebema on the ends, and the enigmatic Mitch King in the middle, they certainly have the capability of doing just that.

Which Big Ten team's out-of-conference schedule would you most want to have this year? Why? Do you think your team will have out-of-conference losses this year?

We don't have Big Blue or OSU this year, so I want Michigan's schedule just so I can see Notre Dame and Oregon. Everyone else seems to be intent on scheduling the powerhouse programs of 1-AA and the various directions of Michigan. Not exactly a barnburner noncoference slate, and a real problem for those of us who are inclined to argue Big 10 supremacy.

Here's a chance to look like a complete genius in a few months: pick the biggest in-conference upset that will happen this season. Justify your prediction!

October 27, 2007. Minnesota catches Big Blue in a Grade A Trap Game (Michigan's next three are at MSU, at Wisconsin, and vs. the Sweater Vests). Yes, Minny will most likely suck this year. But they may have a little brown chance at the Little Brown Jug.

Say something nice about the Big Ten school whose name precedes yours alphabetically. Say something mean about the one that comes after.

Indiana gave us Myles Brand, who is known far and wide as a scholar and a gentleman. His visionary leadership gave us the NCAA you know today.

Michigan stole our school president, and then plunged her into a Supreme Court case over admissions. Also, Ann Arbor is a whore.

USC: great football program, or greatest football program? Also, how about that SEC? Damn, those guys are fast!

USC? Greatest program ever in the history of the world...of Warcraft. As for the SEC, Jim Delaney has already told us they are fast because their heads are lighter. I'm comfortable with that.